Pirates of the Carribean: Where Are They Now?
by AnarchyGunRage
Summary: Just a retarded but good little story of where me and my friends think the Pirates of the Carribean would be after At Worlds End.
1. Jack Sparrow

Pirates of the Carribean: Where Are They Now?

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**Authors Note to the Reader: This is just a retarded story me and my brother came up with shortly after we watched Pirtaes three for the first time. It a sequel to it...kind of. **

**Where Are They Now? Will you are about to find out...I hope you laugh.**

**Note that there maybe a few modern-day twists, like trucks, trains and A.A. meetings.

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**

Chapter One: Jack Sparrow

"Hello." Jack said to the crowd. "My name is Jack."

"Hello Jack." The crowd said.

"So." The Suited woman said. "Now that we all know eachother, lets talk about our problems with rum."

"I like rum." Jack said. "Rum is good."

"No, Jack." The couselor said. "Rum is bad." And before anyone can act, Jack takes off in his little funny run down the hall with the couselor woman behind him. "Jack! Come back! You have a problem!"

Jack ran faster. "Leave me alone! Rum is my only friend!"

"No Jack! Rum is your enemy! Rum can over your life! Rum is evil..."

"No! Rum is my friend! Rum is good!"

"No Jack! Let me help you!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jack jumps through the window with a SMASH and lands on the ground. He shoots up and runs away from the building. "You'll never take rum away from me!" He cursed at the stranded counsel woman. While he runs, he steals a bottle of rum from a hobo and drinks it as he runs some more.

The counsel woman shakes her head. "That is the worst case of alcoholism I have ever seen...And I've seen some doozies!"

Jack runs to the harbor and hides undernieth a bridge, drinking his rum. "I love you..." He said hugging the bottle. "Nobody will take you away from me...Nobody." Jack then looks at the black cat starring at him. "Well what are you looking at?" He said drunkenly. "Come to take rum away from me too?"

"Meow."

"Oh shut up..." He stumbles away and hits his head on the top of the bridge and fell on his back. Jack woke up a half an hour later to see the black cat sitting over him.

"Meow."

Jack gets up, remembers to duck that time and gets on his boat. "Being followed by cats and crazy rum hater women." He gets in his boat and looks at his compass point behind him. He finds another rum bottle. "I love life." He said as he sailed into the afternoon sun.


	2. William Turner

Chapter Two: William Turner

Well, when we last left our handsome young William Turner, (the author/narrator of this story is FEMALE by the way...check the profile!!!) Anyways...He was the captain of the Flying Dutchman, because He killed Davey Jones and had to take his place. We will see what Mr. Jones is up to later.

Being the captain of the Flying Dutchman had lost its fun and moved to compication. His men were...how can I put this...the males were uneducated and the one female member of the crew was too bossy.

"Captain Turner..." One man whinned. "Jimmy keeps pushing me!"

"No!" The other would yell. "He kept pushing ME!"

"Did not."

"Did to."

"Did not."

"Did to."

"Did not."

"Did to."

"Did not."

"Did To."

"Did not."

"DID TO."

"DID NOT!"

"DID TO, DID TO, DID TO!"

"NOT, NOT, NOT, NOT, NOT, NOT, NOT ,NOT!"

"TO, TO, TO, TO, TO, TO, TO, TO, TO, TO, TO, TO, TO, TO, TO!"

The femle crew member snaps under the pressure. "JIMMY! KEEP YOUR HAND TO YOURSELF! JOHNNY! STAY ON YOU SIDE OF THE BOAT! Captain Turner, with all do respect...GET OFF YOUR KEISTER AND DO SOME CAPTAINING!!!!!!"

Will sighed. "At time like this...I wish I'd just let Jack stab the heart..."


	3. Elizabeth Turner

Chapter Three: Elizabeth Turner

While the sun is setting on a small island, Elizabeth Swann...well...Turner is drinking her troubles away with abottle of vodka. (Please don't ask me where she got the vodka...SHE JUST HAS VODKA OKAY!) She is yelling drunkenly at the sunseting horizen.

" WILLIAM...WE HAVE A...DAUGHTER...WHO HASN'T...SEEN HER FATHER YET...HAS IT BEEN TEN YEARS YET????? DANG IT..."

A little eight year old girl runs over to Elizabeth. "Mommy...Where's Daddy?"

"I dunno." The drunken woman says. "Just keep playing with your pony..." The little girl runs over to a dog.(That's how drunk Elizabeth is.) Elizabeth takes another drink. "At time like this...I wish I married Jack..."

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**To The Reader: Short I know...But how was I supposed to do a long chapter on her during these circumstances. Blame my cousin...The chapter was his idea.**

**F-B-C**


	4. Hector Barbossa

Chapter Four: Hector Barbossa

Okay...Enough with Lizzy...What's Barbossa doing these days? Sailing around with the Black Pearl...Duh. Barbossa is sitting up in his cabin mocking Jack. He has three straw dolls dressed like him, Jack and Mr. Gibbs. He is making the dolls have voices. He makes Jack say: "Barbossa...You chart man...Give me back my ship." He makes himself say: "Arrrrrr...Tis my ship." He makes Jack say. "Wanna fight for it? Let us fight for it...Chart man..."

Barbossa in pure and utter amusment makes him ram into the Jack doll and lets it fall on the desk. He makes him say: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahahahah ha ha ah! Tis my ship. You shall die to Mister Gibbs." He knocks the Gibbs doll over and leaves it lay. He then makes the doll of him jump around on the 'bodies'. "Haha haha ha." He sings. "The Pearl is-a my-ine." The a crew member breaks in.

"Captain?"

Barbossa hides the dolls. "What have I told you about knocking, Mr. Dooda?"

"I am sorry Captain...Mr. Phillian would like to talk to you on board...About Jack Sparrow."

"Did yousee anythin, Mr. Dooda?"

"No, Captain. I didn't see you playing with your dolls again."

"Good, good...Wait." Barbossa then went on deck and saw Mr. Phillian. "Tell me Phil...Did you say the unmentionable name on me ship?"

"Aye Captain..."

"Do you like swimming?"

"Aye Captain."

"THEN GO-A SWIMMING!" Barossa tosses Mr. Phillian over board and looks at his crew. "ANYONE WHO MENTIONS THE NAME'JACK SPARROW' ON MY SHIP SHALL BE THROWN OVER BOARD! UNDERSTAND?!"Next thing Barbossa knew, his men had in and were about to toss him off the boat. "NOT ME YOU FLEE BITTEN PACK OF INGRADES! ONLY I CAN SAY THAT NAME AND GET AWAY WITH IT...NOW PUT ME DOWN!"


	5. Davey Jones

**Sorry for the long wait. I've been busy with other stories and the hell on earth known as...(shivers) school. (screams) LOL. Enjoy. **

Chapter Five: Davey Jones

When we last saw Davey Jones, his heart was stabbed by Jack/Will and he died. He is nowadays locked in his own locker...Not a bad thing? Well, it is a bad thing if you forgot the combinatio three hundred years ago. Poor Jones was going crazy, floating on his lockers ocean on a peice of plywood with a pink dog that wasn't even really there.

"Hi Davey." The dog says.

"Oh...You again." Jones says back.

"Whatcha doin' Davey?"

Jones shows the dog an alarm clock with dynamite duct taped to it. "I'm making a bomb so I can blow the locker doors open!"

"I duuno Davey."

"Shut up. What do you know? You're just a stupid mongrel mutt!" Jones puts the bomb down and sets it for twenty seconds.

"See ya later Davey." The dog disappeares.

Jones turns to run away from the bomb, then he stops. "NOOOOOOOO! I FORGOT I'M ON A PEIECE OF PLYWOOD! THERE'S NO PLACE TO RUN AWAY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**KAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!**

Peices of wood fly everywhere and Jones is seen stuck on a peice of wood that is so small it's sinking under his wait. Can you guess what made things worse for Jones?

"Hiya Davey!"


	6. Tia DalmaCalypso

Chapter Six: Tia Dalma/Calypso

Okay, when we last saw Tia Dalma, Barbossa...well actually, Ragetti released her from her human bondage curse and she became her true form again. She is now wondering around as Calypso, the goddess of the sea.

She nowadays she has an underwater lair. It's at the bottom of the Atlantic, starts out as a cave and then she comes into a beautiful cavern, the walls festooned with silver, jems and sea shells. In the center of her glorious new home, she has a table covered with a crimzon table cloth with sea shell decorations. On tp this table she has a crystal ball, what sea goddess wounld't have one. She watches the events happening in the mortal world in her crystal ball whenever bordem gets the best of her. Yes, even Calypso gets bord, however, she takes great pleasure in watch Davey Jones suffer (you just read the chapter).

Calypso's bordem was answered when a wind came into her cavern with a WHOOSH. A lovely woman with blue hair, pale skin, bright blue eyes and wearing a cascade blue dress was hovering infront of her.

Calypso smiled her teeth still black as they were when she was Tia Dalma. "Well, well, well. If it isn't my good friend, Abigora, The goddess of the wind."

"Calypso!" Abigora said as the two goddesses hugged each other. "As soon as I heard that you were finally back, I came running...flying. Oh, you get it."

"It indeed has been a long time." Calypso said. "It was torchure trapped in that form."

"I couldn't imagine how long I could go cut off from the wind and the birds."

"We should catch up." Calypso said, sounding like a teenaged girl who had just been reunited with a friend. "What do you tink we should do?"

"Well..." Abigora thought for a while." While I was flying over here, I passed one of those homosexual party boats."

"Want to go and tip some gays?"

"Speaking of gays." Abigora said as her and Calypso exited into the sea air. "Whatever happened to ol' Davey Jones?"

"He's getting what he diserved." Was all Calypso said.

When the two goddesses got to the party boat, sure enough, it as homosexual. There was hords of guys kissing eachother. They;d tip the boat over and laugh like little children.


	7. Pintel and Ragetti

Chapter Seven: Pintel and Ragetti

Now here's the what my favorite two weirdos have been up to.

After Davey Jones was defeated and Elizabeth left, Pintel and Ragetti left the Black Pearl crew. It was a painful separation between the two in Torguga aferwards, but on a faithful day a couple of months after, they were reunited.

While Pintel was wondering aroundin Tortuga, he ran into someone...literally 'ran into' someone. As he picked himself up off the ground, he cursed. "Damn you to the depths for breathing, you dim-witted idiot!"

"Now that's not very nice..." A very fermiliar voice said. Pintel looked over to see Ragetti, his old friend picking himself off the ground too.

"Ragetti?!" Pintel said in dis-belief. "Good God, it's been how long? Where have you been hiding away?"

"At home." Said Ragetti. "I need to spend time with the wife, you know."

"You got married?"

"Of chorus. I sent you a notice..." Ragetti said. "But I guess you didn't get it..."

Pintel's heart stopped as he took out the envelope he had in his pocket. It was from Ragetti, obviously signed by someone else and not opened. "Are you sure you got married?" Pintel asked. Ragetti never was one who would really 'attract' a lady.

"Would I lie about something that important?" Ragetti semi-shouted, adjusting his eye patch.  
Just then a young woman, in a worn dress and with black, mangled hair and pale skin came over from nowhere and stood beside Ragetti. "Pintel." He said. "This is Judith. My wife."

"Pleasure to finally meet you, Herr Pintel." She said in a German accent. Pintel looked closely at her and noticed that she had one blue eye and one green eye. She handed Ragetti a wooden ball, another wooden eye to be exact. "There, darling. Now you can get rid of that aweful eye patch."

"Thank you, my dearest." Ragetti blew the dust off of the eye and popped it in. Pintel was still gawking at Judith.

"Her eyes." He said pointing. "One blue one and one green one!"

"Oh, ja." She said. "I have one glass eye, but they dis matched with the coloring...Idiots."

Pintel now gawked at Ragetti and Judith together, not at how odd it was that she even took interest in his friend...But he now couldn't believe how perfect they were for each other.


	8. Mr Gibbs

Chapter Eight: Mr. Gibbs

When we last left Mr. Gibbs, he ditched a stranded Jack in Tortuga with Scarlette and Gezelle. Yeah, guess what happened within a few minutes of talking about sea turtles...Give up? Here's what happened...

**SMACK! SMACK!**

Bet you didn't see that one coming.

Well, good ol' Mr. Gibbs lives in Tortuga, a few paces down from where Ragetti and Judith live (you just read the chapter) so he has someone fermiliar to talk to every once in a while...Besides his mother. That's right. Mr. Gibbs is living with his old bag of a mother.

Bet you didn't see that one coming.

Poor, Mr. Gibbs, every morning at dawn has to endure torchure worse then life on the 'Old' Flying Dutchman.

"JOSHAMEE! GET YOUR KEISTER DOWN HERE MEISTER!"

"Yes Mumma I'm coming..."

Now you can see why he used the expression: "Slap me face and hand me to me mumma." In At Worlds End.

"Would who ever's writting this stop with this torchure!" Mr. Gibbs shouts.

What torchure?

"I'm a middle aged man and I'm living with my mother!"

What's so bad about that, Mr. Gibbs?

"You gave everyone else great lives!" He shouts again.

You all know I didn't give everyone great lives. Jack is on the run from an A.A. counsellor, Will is miserable on the Flying Dutchman, Elizabeth is a drunken wreck on that island and Davey Jones is...don't even ask about how he's doing. He's locked in his own locker with a pink dog that says "Hi Davey!" for crying out loud!

"Yeah, well." Mr. Gibbs starts, looking at the roof. "Calypso get's to torchure gays and Ragetti is married! How did that work?!"

HEY! Don't diss Ragetti!

"It's not our fault he's a one eyed fruit cake!"

Okay that's it, Gibbsy. COME UP HERE SO I CAN CREAM YOU!

"COME DOWN HERE SO I CAN TURN YOU INTO CREAM!"

I'm picking a fight with Mr. Gibbs. Bet you didn't see that one coming!

"STOP SAYING THAT!"

"JOSHAMEE! WHAT ARE YOU SCREAMING ABOUT?!"

"Nothing Mumma..."

Sucker. Hehehehe.


	9. Cuttler Beckett

Chapter Nine: Cuttler Becket

"I've got you now, pirate." The voice in the darkness said the young pirate. This pirate was not even fifteen years old. Don't ask why she's a pirate. "There's no escape." The voice continued. "You're in my chicken coup now. Hahahahaha."  
Just then the lights flicked on and the shadow was revealed to be Beckett.

"Cuttler Beckett?" The pirate asked, not scared no more. She laughed.

"MOM!" Beckett yells. "Turn out the lights! I'm intterogating!"

"Do you want cookies and milk?" The voice around the hall says.

"No!" Beckett yells again. "Turn out the litghts! I'm interogating!"

"Are you sure?"

"Some water would be nice!" The pirate says.

"Shut up, you." Beckett growls. "MOM! Turn out the lights! I'm interogating!"

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Poor Beckett. His Mom is worse then Mr. Gibbs'. LOL.

Stay tuned for the next chapter: Bootstrap Bill Turner!


End file.
